The Space of In-Between. Illness, Medicine, and Horror

Abstract

I call a “space of in-between”, the space where the embodied/embedded subject finds itself after an unwelcome ‘presence’ has entered its life. I call manifestations of the body which impair a daily life, a “presence”. In this text, I want to outline the contours of the space of in-between, to show what it means to have the presence under my skin, and to describe how the spaces of medical landscapes look like - at least to me. Furthermore, I also want to bring answers to the following questions: How do you feel in this in-between space? What do you gain? What do you lose? What do you need? What is missing? To meet the set goals, I tell the story about my experience with the disease known as endometriosis. Methodologically, this text is based on autoethnography, autophenomenography, my own poetry with two exceptions, and a reference to supernatural horror movies. Thinking together with presence and supernatural horror movies is my method of analysis. In supernatural horrors, presence indicates a haunting force that significantly influences the lives of those who come in contact with it. To understand that force, to live and deal with it proves to be both problematic, challenging, and frequently devastating. To me, to combine my experience with illness and medical encounters with supernatural horror movies, and to think together with presence and horror enables interesting and somehow daring reflections on the space where the embodied/embedded subject may find itself once its body has gone wrong. In this text, I use creative writing and creative methods (i.e., horror as a form of analysis) because it indeed matters how one studies what one studies.